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The Last Belgium Blog

My retreat partner Susan and I with a statue of a Beguine.
My retreat partner Susan and I in Luven, with a statue of a Beguine.

It is the work of women to balance the world, to know their strength and stand courageously in the light of their truth. A patriarchy without the balance of matriarchy creates an uneven playing field upon which women are subordinates rather than leaders. You don’t have to look too far to see how out of balance institutions and governments create both a physical and spiritual poverty when they do not include the voice of women.

Traveling in Belgium and learning about the Beguines, I was inspired by the this esoteric group of women who sought to remedy the corruption of the church in the 12th century by living an example of spiritual and financial independence at a time when women did not have such choices. For a short period of time, they brought about a reverence and a station for women before their ideals and actions were again muted and absorbed by church and state. So, what did they teach me? How have I changed?

I walked the same cobble stone roads that they walked. I sat in churches where they prayed. I brushed up against the places and times that informed them. I listened to lectures about them, read about them and wondered about them. What all of that ignited in me was strength, the strength of standing strong in the light of my own truth. I have dug for examples in my life and I have found that all throughout history there were women who walked before me who had the same desire to live full and equal lives. I came away from Belgium with newly found and newly reclaimed inner strength to move forward in confidence and respect for myself.

The images of old-world northern Europe delighted my senses and reminded me that the world is a big and diverse place. Still, I doubt that I will ever become a world traveler. I am more of a Hestia, the Greek goddess who found satisfaction in tending the home fires. I am so happy to be home and so happy to have made the once in a lifetime journey. I met wonderful people, taught good writing classes, learned a lot . . . and made sure I did a little shopping.

The charm of old-world northern Europe.
The charm of old-world northern Europe

Now at home, settling into the autumn, I will begin my next novel and spend the winter months holed up in my office creating. The Beguines were creators. They made art and music and I see those things differently now. I see making art as a worshipful thing, a praising of all creation, a joy created in the heart, mind and spirit. My writing is an expression of love through creation. It’s good to be home, slightly altered and deeply grateful for where I ventured out,  and also for the return.

With Mathew Fox, who traveled with us for two days and taught us wonderful thing!
With Mathew Fox, who traveled with us for two days and taught us wonderful things!


Posted in Comedy, Tragedy and What the F...?

Delights and Deliverance

IMG_0086So many images travel to my eyes, rise and fall from the heart and float away on the afternoon breeze. Brugge, Belgium is the old world. Homes from the 15th century line the canals with window boxes overflowing in cascades of red geraniums.

Our group goes to the Minnenhauf. It means “house of love.” We meet  Sister Felicitous, who tells us about the women from whose ideals her order of Benedictines borrow–the Beguines. This area was filled with Beguines at one time, pious women who lived to serve, who made lace, with intricate knots and turns, reflecting the focus of a meditative state, focused singularly on devotion.

In the evenings the four or five nuns living at the Minnehauf sing in the chapel. They invite our group to join them and then be blessed with holy water. I don’t go. I sit in my room at night alone. The days are already packed too full for me, and I need time to process all that I see and taste and feel here. The reason I came was to pay homage to my home girls–these 11th century feminists, mystics who developed an esoteric evangelism and grabbed, however briefly, financial independence a time when neither spiritual nor financial independence was available to women. I’m afraid that if I fill up every minute I will miss their whisperings in the night air.

On a canal boat ride Sunday morning, I turn my face to the sun, close my eyes and just feel this place I am in, all of itsIMG_0113 history vibrating in what I breathe in. The swans stand in the park at water’s edge, long necks curved gracefully. I’ve heard that the Beguines brought the swans here. I’ve heard that the swans were a memorial to an innocent man executed in the city square. I don’t know which story is true. I know that the swan in Sufism represents the soul and that feels appropriate to either story. Maybe stories and history converge somewhere, and all of it makes sense in the end.

Today I taught my first writing class: Deepening into Your Spiritual Story–the Arc of Spiritual Memoir. I am animated, passionate and lit. I share my ever-changing, ever-growing process and philosophy about writing. I give exercises that place their pens to the page. An hour later I feel energized and happy to have shared something that I love so much with such a fine circle of individuals.

The Beguines were the first people in western civilization to write about Spirit in the vernacular of the day. Margareta Porete wrote a book called A Mirror of Simple Souls,” the premise of which is that the little church is the cathedral on the corner and the big church is the church that lives in the heart.” Later they burned her at the stake. I share this in my writing class. We are all connected by our stories. We communicate through story. We tell each other stories all day long and yet at the end of the day, or the end of a life, we sometimes fail to see what the story is or to ascribe meaning to it. That we seek meaning at all is unique to the human journey.

IMG_0108I am moved and inspired by the stories of the retreat participants. Former nuns, former and current clergy, people in the throes of unanswered questions and the inevitable loss that comes from living such a full, rich and long life. These people are of an older age, teaching and learning from each other about reclaiming the broken parts of the self in the last years of living. Surround those pieces in love, shrugging and saying “you know, life is messy,” and then be willing to have it be messy again.

This part of my story takes me to Belgium. And to borrow from Margareta Porete, the little adventure is the plane ride and the events of this place, and the big adventure is what is changing and growing within my heart.IMG_0126

Stay tuned for more adventures blogging through Belgium. Miss my friends and delight in this adventure. Hugs.

Posted in Comedy, Tragedy and What the F...?

The Story I Know By Heart


(This essay is dedicated to my curious nieces, who are also a part of the story I know by heart…)

Window to the HeavensIt does not matter how many books I read about them, I will never be able to write or convey their significance in my life in any other way, than to tell the story, as I know it, by heart. Sometimes I wish that I could lay out their history, their “her-story” really, in a way that presented all the hard facts and their respective academic analysis, but I am not a scholar and the story was not given to me in that way. It seeped into me over time and became a part of who I am. Their story speaks to an ancient longing, as if I suddenly met women who were a part of my spiritual DNA. All stories change as we hear them and tell them, and I am not so much interested in the “facts,” but rather the “effects” that a story has on the heart. To this end, apologies now for historical misspellings, dates or any mix up of centuries and a rather large “nonetheless,” that the story in and of itself is what compels this heart and this telling:

The Beguines existed for less than a hundred years before they were either burned at the stake or absorbed into the convents of Europe, but they changed the face of Christianity on an entire continent and planted the seeds of what would later become the Protestant Reformation. They were the source of inspiration for mystics that followed years after they were all gone. Those included the likes of Julian of Norwich and Meister Eckhart among others. They revived within their communities a sacred simplicity that is the core of a spiritual life.

In the 11th Century, there was in Europe, what was known as the Apostolic Movement, meaning that people would go out into the countryside and live life as they imagined the Apostles of Christ would. When I say, “people” what I really mean is men, because such choices were not available or allowed to women in that time. If you were a woman, your predestined role was to be a nun, entering the cloistered life, bereft of any community outreach at all; or you were to be a wife. There was no in between. That is, until the Beguines, who are sometimes referred to as the “Sisters Between.”

The origin of the name the Beguines remains a mystery. I have read different things about what the name might mean. What I imagine for myself is that the name Beguine refers to a type of bonnet that these women wore, a symbol of their sisterhood that would allow them to be recognizable to their community.

It was during this Apostolic time that a woman named Mary d’Oignies began going to the Leper colonies in the areas around Belgium and France. She would minister to the lepers both physically and in spirit. She was inspired by the Christ directive of “help the least among you.” I’ve always thought that particular directive was less of an edict and more of a clue to what is required of us to fully embody the spiritual life.iStock_000011274077Small

It is here that I must interject that a woman ministering would be forbidden to preach “the Word.” Many churches today have adopted that unfortunate directive as put forth by Thomas Aquinas who pretty much pounded the last nail into the coffin of feminine second class citizenry by writing what would later become the accepted catechism of the Catholic Church– that women were not smart enough to preach the Word and more so were seductresses, impure and untrustworthy. However, women were allowed share their prophesies and share dreams and visions. As a result, in this service to helplessness, to the least among us, Mary began to develop a very esoteric evangelism. To share her prophesies and vision would have required deep contemplation and a mystical bend.

There are few sayings actually attributed to the Christ. They are quite simple. What they boil down to is that we love one another; help the poor; that to show our love for God we should love our fellow humans; we are directed to help the least among us; and we are asked to keep our prayers close and private and pray in the silence of our sacred hearts rather than try to show off; and we are told to visit those in prison. It seems to me that this is the essence of a spiritual life, and everything else is just politics.

Other women were drawn to this life of service and ministering and joined Mary in the leper colonies. They began to live in small groups, supporting themselves by the hard labor of road building and roofing. Thus they created a spiritual independence, coupled with a financial independence not usually available to women at this time in history. It was here that they became the “sisters between,” neither married nor in a convent but obviously doing the work of Spirit. This caused great alarm to the Church, keeping in mind that in the 11th century, the Catholic Church was the only game in town.

The powers that be decided that they should send someone to investigate Mary and the girls. They sent a young priest from the University of Paris to see what was going on and to report back. Jacques de Vitry visited Mary and I think that he fell in love with her. I don’t mean a romantic kind of love, but rather a kind of love that compelled him to see with new eyes. The church had become cold and dogmatic. Its buildings, rather than being testament to the simple life of a loving Christ were garish monoliths of elitism that fostered exclusion. The mass was said in Latin. The writings were in Latin and Latin was a language for the erudite and not the commoners who came to worship. The church had become political and judgmental, rather than a refuge of compassion, sympathetic to the human condition. And finally the church was fraught with fear and superstition that did not reflect that essence of a loving Christianity.

So Jacques fell in love with this simple woman whose faith was fluid, expansive and inclusive of all. Mary, along with her Beguine sisters loved the helpless and the poor. Her faith was a quiet one of humble demonstration. She shared her prophecies and dreams of God’s love with those she helped. And Jacque, filled with a renewed and inspired love of the Christ in his own heart was compelled to go to Rome and tell the Pope that the Beguines were pure and chaste women who deserved protection. And so it was that the Beguines came to know Papal protection for nearly a hundred years. Such protection would mean that they could continue to live in small colonies and serve the communities that had grown to value them.

And they did something more. The Beguines wrote. As I said, everything of Spirit was at that time written in Latin, so unless you had an expanded education, which few did, the Latin words of Spirit were not for you. I should note that the Beguines were not the first women to write about spirit in the vernacular of the day. They were the first people in Western history to write about Spirit in the vernacular of the day.iStock_000039709350Small

This is the foundation of the Beguine story as I learned it. What speaks to my heart is that upon discovering this group of women, the longing to find the Divine Feminine was validated in me. Here was a group of women who shared the very best of their qualities by being in service and by embracing a contemplative life that took them deep into their dreams and visions. They were mystics, understanding that we are not separate from God, but wedded in a mystical union which informed their path. Not being able to preach the Word turned out to be a gift that led to a mystical marriage forged in contemplation. Their independence both financially and spiritually is what I have sought in my life.

I include the financial piece in this because you do not have to look very hard to see that we live in a culture where if a woman does not have her own money and means to support herself, she can become a prisoner to abusive relationships; a prisoner to a poverty of body, mind and Spirit. Financial independence is often a ticket out of a relationship dominated by control in which a woman is used and abused. Financial independence can be a safety net for a woman and her children. It is empowering in a culture that requires money to survive.

The story of the Beguines mirrors my quest and longing to find the feminine model in the spiritual traditions in which I was raised. These women who lived centuries before me have taken up residence in my heart. I wonder and I imagine: did they close their eyes and breathe deeply into prayers of connection and gratitude? Did they feel a sense of strength in their financial independence, which afforded them a life of “in between?” You need not be married to a man to validate your worth. Neither do you need a male-based religion to lead you to Spirit, as Spirit dwells in the heart of each of us. I am reminded of these Beguine musings, daily.

As women continue to find their voice and stand firmly in the light of their truth, we see more women as spiritual leaders and directors. We see women who have awakened to an androgyny of God as opposed to a male father figure of God, and that is inclusive in ways that expand us all. Faith that becomes concretized cannot evolve, and worse, breeds extremism. We are meant to be evolving beings, willing to embrace a change in our vision in order to know our Divine connection. The sickness in many churches today is due to a paralyzing rigidity that keeps people small and exclusive. The Beguines knew, and I know in the depths of my heart, that God is larger than one can ever perceive. God is everywhere and in everything, neither male nor female.

As the Papal protection of the Beguines waned with a new Pope in power, the women were judged and killed by the church. Their writings were burned. Some of the documents were preserved by priests who were willing to hide them, preserving them for later discovery. It is important to note that these priests took great risk in hiding the writings of the Beguines, seeing both the Beguines and their contributions with spiritual equanimity. Now, the Catholic Church has reclaimed the Beguines as their own, though with the caution that women must remain in their place.

Here is what speaks to me about the Beguines: to embrace the spiritual life and be willing to stand in the light of your truth without making yourself small in order to make those around you comfortable, takes great courage. The Beguines developed a connection to Spirit that could not be overridden by dogma. They creatively went against the grain of the established church to find the jewels of truth in their own spiritual hearts, regardless of the political rules. This was the journey of the Beguines, and it is my journey too. And it is the journey of many who seek a purposeful faith.

I would suggest that we live on the precipice of a new apostolic movement, that this time includes women. If you read Mathew Fox, James Finley or Cynthia Bourgeault, you will see that the Divine feminine is vibrating in their teachings and their wisdom. We need to know about feminine role models in faith and embrace the strong, Godly women who came before us and made easier our path: Theresa of Avila who mentored St. John of the Cross; Marguerite Porete who wrote about Spirit in the vernacular of the day and warned that the little church was the cathedral on the corner, and the big church was inside of our hearts. And while the Beguines were instrumental in inspiring the great Christian mystic, Meister Eckhart, these women still remain hidden in history and academics. It requires some digging to know their stories– just as we must dig deep into our being to find that place of connection and awe that blend together and give voice to spiritual freedom.iStock_000002145962XSmall

September 10th through the 25 of 2015, my minister friend, Susan Evans and myself will take a group of people to Belgium to trace the footsteps of the Beguines and imagine their lives and their longings as we reflect and meditate upon their history and our inner spiritual journey. We will then go to Erfurt, Germany and study Meister Eckhart. Mathew Fox will be joining us for this teaching. It will be a time of quiet, a time of creativity and a time of sharing the stories that we know by heart. The retreat provides a doorway into an esoteric spiritual heritage that just asking to be claimed.

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